...what could have been...

[The Silent Assassin]

It will be 4 years this Christmas since I nearly died.

I was a sophmore at my high school, on the basketball team...coming back from just losing a championship tournament game. It was our first loss of the season.

We got on board the school bus, just as normal, and headed home.

I still remember it...I was talking to my friend John and Reed about Michael Jordan, if not having retired, would have lead the Bulls to 8 straight titles to tie the Celtics.

The bus jerked right. I fell out of my seat into the isle, and looked up. The bus began to veer left towards the median, our coach, who was driving, passed out, and our assistant coach leaping to get the wheel.

He swerved us back right, away from the median, but the bus couldn't handle the turn, and fish tailed.

I next felt the bus fling around...my window was about to crash into the ground...and I just remembered curling up and thinking "this is it".

It was pitch black when I was able to "think" again...though I didn't know if this was death...or what. I just remember their being pain...lots of it...I couldn't breath. I then realized I was suffocating, and tore away my jacket...it had wrapped around me during the accident.

I sat up...and felt a sharp pain in my right leg. It was bleeding, two of my teammates were on top, motionless...

I then looked foward, and saw my friend, John, starting to come to. He was moaning, and a light was flickering...showing something horrifying.

We were sitting on the side of the bus...the roof in front of me...covered in blood.

I saw my friend reach back, touch the back of his head, and pulled it back front...covered in blood.

I didn't know what to do...I just froze. This wasn't real...and if it was...why did it happen? Of everything that could have happened, this is the outcome that came.

I was pulled from the bus...into the rain. I saw some of my teammates already outside...and I looked at the bus. I just remember the bus...the ditch...the traffic backed up...and some lights...

I walked off a ways, and sat down...I didn't pray...I didn't feel like it. I still had some faith in God at that time...but I didn't want to talk to him...I didn't want to know why he choose this...I just wanted for myself to figure out why.

I remember being mad...I took it as if God wanted me dead...and I got even angrier.

It was then...that I didn't care what happened anymore...I just was going to do what I wished. I didn't care about problems...anything but...

I probably should have died that day...I don't know...after seeing the wreckage from outside...how anyone lived...ever since then...I've been distanced from people close to me...from showing much deep emotion.

Why do I bring this up...

I never really thought about what could have happened if it went the other way...

This is what it could have been... (http://www.dallasnews.com/localnews/stories/062502dnmetbusmain.30366.html)

As for any other details...don't ask, don't IM, don't PM. I don't talk about anything else beyond what I said to anyone.

[Beldaran]

That's powerful, TSA. I'm glad you made it. It's impossible to make sense of the chaos we live in. I hate it too.

[Rijuhn]

Dear God. That's all I'll say.

[obi]

Shit man....

I don't really know what to say....
Most people TSA don't recover metaly from these incedents, I'm happy that you were able to.

[Jigglysaint]

OMG! Wasn't there that bus crash in Dallas? Those teens going to a church camp or somthing?(note, I dind't not read the article yet but I heard about this and was worred because I know someone from there) I'm glad you survived your brush with death though. I know I can't change your mind but somehow I am not quite sure that God wanted your dead. The thing is that we don't know when our time is. It's not death we shold fear but it's what we made of our life that's importent. Then again, isn't Dallas one of those "Southen Baptist" cities? I know a friend of mine is from there and he's a S(O?)B.

Actually, it does kind of make you think when bad things happen to good(or so it seems) people.

You know, I don't mind being part of a church activity, but many of those youth are just too "keen on Jesus" for my taste. I'm more of the person who likes to just learn and try to understand.

Anyway, this thread wasn't about God it was about TSA so back to him and the horrific accident.

Really, what dumb driver. Those kids didn't do anything wrong but the driver is going to get an earfull while he's dead. Think, he has to endure a lot of time while thinking of the people he helped kill. God didn't do that, just some dumb human.

BTW, did anybody die on your accident?

[slothman]

Well there was a bush crash here a couple days ago. It was a church group from Conn. I think 4 people passed away. My mother even helped out via the Red Cross.

[King Link]

Wow, that must have been horrifying. I don't think I can even imagine that. Just be thankful that you are alive, this way you can enjoy the rest of your life.

Like Jigglysaint said, makes you think about what happens to other people and if you aren't careful, could even happen to you.

[theplustwo]

TSA thank you for that post. I am really sorry about what happened to you, but I am glad you didn't get killed. That was the most deep, touching post I have seen on these, or any, boards. Or any where else, for that matter, for a long, long time.

Keep up the good work man, you only do so much, and not more, don't get down on your self, just remember the good times along with the bad, that's about all I can say.

[Jemsee]

Chance and unforseen occurence befall us all.
If God wanted you dead you would be dead.
I'm kind of under the impression He does not work that way.
Accedents, like shit, happens.
We put our lives in other peoples hands every day.
All each of us can do is the best we can, every moment we can.
We don't have #s and when it's up we die.
What we do have is life.
I'm glade your still alive TSA.
I'm glade your a part of AGN.
Wish you could have made the convention, it would have been nice to meet you.
:)

[The Silent Assassin]

I don't know if there is a god or not, and it's not my business worrying. I'm just not in a hurry to die anytime soon...I've got things I want to know before I possibly go to a place of non-existance.

And yes, the article is about that Dallas Crash. After re-reading my post, I left something unlcear.

The title...what could have been...is regarding the fact we had another adult near the driver to save us. Those people on the other bus didn't. If we didn't, also...we would have crashed into that media on a 70 MPH highway...and into oncoming traffic. If not for him, you'd probably never ever have know the name TSA.

[Menokh]

whoa.
I don't knwo why you were so lucky, but you were and that's what counts.
I have no idea what to say about this kind of thing. But I am glad you are still alive and have been able to post here. A scary thing is, although I've never experienced anything of the sort, I could imagine it in perfect detail.
I hope this memory doesn't cause you much pain.