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Drunken Tiger
05-18-2002, 06:42 AM
This is my Science essay on the Big Bang theory.. I was wondering if you guys could help me improve on it by reading it...

Btw Im having trouble with the conclusion...Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated..;)

Thanks


The Beginning of the Universe



The Big Bang theory is the world’s most accepted theory of the Universe. The theory basically states that an enormous cosmic explosion created the Universe. This cosmic explosion is said to have happened between ten billion and twenty billion years ago. The cosmic explosion hurled matter in all directions and this very explosion formed our Universe. When the explosion occurred the galaxies were not clumped together, but rather the Big Bang laid the foundation for the galaxy. The origin of this particular theory can be credited to Mr. Edwin Hubble. Mr. Hubble made the observation that the Universe is constantly expanding. Mr. Hubble also discovered that the velocity of a galaxy is proportional to its distance.

There are three reasons why the Big Bang Theory Holds.
1) The Hubble Expansion
2) The Discovery of Cosmic Waves
3) The Big Bang Nucleosynthesis

Since the Big Bang the universe has been continuously expanding. This expansion is known as the Hubble Expansion, named after Mr. Edwin Hubble who discovered the occurrence. The Hubble Expansion simply means that if we look out into Universe, every galaxy we see is moving away from us. If everything were moving away from us wouldn’t that make us the center of the Universe? The obvious answer would be “yes” but the correct answer is “no”. What actually goes on is as the galaxies move away from you they also move away from each other. This analogy may make this whole Hubble Expansion easier to comprehend. Imagine a fruit loaf in the oven. As it rises the fruit move away from each other. If you were on one piece of fruit you may conclude that all the other fruit pieces are moving away from you. But if you were on another piece of fruit you will also see that all the other fruit pieces are moving away from you. So in this way there is no definite center of the Universe.

In 1964, two astronomers, Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson, in an attempt to detect microwaves from outer space, unintentionally they discovered a noise of extraterrestrial origin. The noise did not seem to come from one location but instead; it came from all directions at once. It became obvious that what they heard was waves from the outermost reaches of the universe, which had been left over from the Big Bang. This discovery of the radioactive aftermath of the initial explosion shed more light on the Big Bang theory.

During the “Era of Nucleosynthesis” almost all of the Universe’s lighter elements such as helium, deuterium (Heavy hydrogen), and a small percentage of lithium nuclei were formed just after the cosmic explosion (Big Bang). This process lasted for about 100 seconds after the explosion. One hundred seconds after the Big Bang the temperature began to drop to a point where the protons and neutrons were able to bond together without being torn apart by high energy photons (packets of light). Once the conditions were correct, the process of nucleus formation began. These were the first Atomic Nuclei. Some scientists believe that 98% of today’s helium was produced in those first few seconds.

Jemsee
05-18-2002, 08:54 AM
Looks ok.
for a conclusion recap some of the stuff frome the first paragraph.
Like "There are other theorys of the start of univers like,*name a few others* but the B.B. is the most widely accepted umong science today".
Or somthing like that.
Usually a conclusion has a summory of sorts of what you just decussed.

Drunken Tiger
05-18-2002, 08:58 AM
Ok.. Thanks alot for the suggestions..:thumbsup:

Thanks

Anything else??

Seigeless
05-18-2002, 10:37 AM
Check for redundencies. For example, if you already stated that Hubble made those observations in paragraph one, then you shouldn't restate it in paragraph two. ("The origin of this particular theory can be credited to Mr. Edwin Hubble. Mr. Hubble made the observation that the Universe is constantly expanding. Mr. Hubble also discovered that the velocity of a galaxy is proportional to its distance. // This expansion is known as the Hubble Expansion, [named after Mr. Edwin Hubble who discovered the occurrence.] [omit this]")
Also, instead of making a list of outlineing facts,
("There are three reasons why the Big Bang Theory Holds.
1) The Hubble Expansion
2) The Discovery of Cosmic Waves
3) The Big Bang Nucleosynthesis")
use a complete paragraph containing all this material, such as "The three reasons pointing to the validity of the Big Bang Theory are The Hubble Expansion, the discovery of Cosmic Waves, and the Big Bang Nucleosynthesis." Otherwise, I think the essay is excellent factually, and you really did some indepth research.

Drunken Tiger
05-18-2002, 10:42 AM
Thanks for your input!!:thumbsup:

Seigeless
05-18-2002, 10:47 AM
No problem. :)

Rainman
05-18-2002, 12:12 PM
Just a little suggestion, Don't try to be too proper and call him "Mr. Edwin Hubble" Edwin Hubble is just fine for a science report. Also, I would add in the first sentence that it's the most widely accepted scientific theory just to appease the religous people. :)

Cecil
05-18-2002, 01:49 PM
Well, well, well. We have another Big Bang thingy on this site. I would put my two cents in(for the hundreth time in a row) if I felt like it but for now Ill just give you a little tip. If you need to make it longer, just make all your spaces TWO spaces and the school will be none the wiser. Happy Reporting!!!:D

Elemental Knight
05-18-2002, 03:03 PM
The list should be made into a Thesis Statement. A Thesis Statement is when, in one sentance, you outline the subject of the three following paragraphs. Also, you're lacking a concluding paragraph, where you sum everything up.

And don't forget to use MLA formatting. Teachers love that.

-Also, don't use the Two Spaces idea. If a school wants you to make an essay of a certain page length, the nyou're goign to a very sorry school. But your paragraphs seem to be about the proper length, 8-10 sentences (except for concluding / opening, which should be 3-5).

But, again, it's nice how it is right now. Go with it, unless there's a reason not to.

J.J. Maxx
05-18-2002, 03:18 PM
The best way to create an essay is to make it in outline form. You first paragraph should state what your going to talk about in the other paragraphs.

Paragraph 1: Brief summary of basic points. Each sentence in the first paragraph should have a corresponding paragraph in the body of the essay.

Paragraph 2-??: These paragraphs should elaborate on what was sumarized in P1. They should be in the same order as they were written in the first paragraph.

Final Paragraph: This should be another summary and a place for you to give your final conclusion based on the facts.

If you create this type of essay your teacher will die of surprise. Trust me, I had a private English tutor and ent to a local private school. Also Foxy was an English major. ;)

Elemental Knight
05-18-2002, 04:43 PM
Originally posted by JJMaxx
The best way to create an essay is to make it in outline form. You first paragraph should state what your going to talk about in the other paragraphs.

Paragraph 1: Brief summary of basic points. Each sentence in the first paragraph should have a corresponding paragraph in the body of the essay.

Paragraph 2-??: These paragraphs should elaborate on what was sumarized in P1. They should be in the same order as they were written in the first paragraph.

Final Paragraph: This should be another summary and a place for you to give your final conclusion based on the facts.

...That's MLA format in a nutshell, JJ. It's required that all essays be of that format at my High School. A *public school*, in the hood, which tends to place #2 and #1 and most of the Chess / In The Know competitions.

And they say you have to have *sports* to have school spirit.

Andy Dick
05-18-2002, 04:45 PM
conclusion: Thats why i think science is gay and this big explosion happend

J.J. Maxx
05-18-2002, 05:43 PM
Originally posted by Andy Dick
conclusion: Thats why i think science is gay and this big explosion happend

LOL That comment right there shows how ignorant you are. ;)

Toolie
05-18-2002, 06:11 PM
I don't think name calling is very appropriate, JJMaxx... he was just stating his opinion, albeit which I don't agree with it, but he has a right to.

christiankhs
05-18-2002, 07:28 PM
mmm how much teories can exist , i mean big bang ..( is the beginning of the universe)
and the other theory is .... the universe always been...
so this is like there is not another way of the universe creation.. just this teories that are OBVIOUS ..... born or always exist ..

same as expansion , contraction or nothing happen and still there
... i dont call it theories i call it ..... the only ways it can be .

Breaker
05-18-2002, 07:30 PM
Originally posted by Toolie
I don't think name calling is very appropriate, JJMaxx... he was just stating his opinion, albeit which I don't agree with it, but he has a right to.

JJMaxx also has the right to constructive criticism (just like members of the forum are allowed to say that I act like an asshole, or a bastard).

J.J. Maxx
05-18-2002, 07:58 PM
Originally posted by Toolie
I don't think name calling is very appropriate, JJMaxx... he was just stating his opinion, albeit which I don't agree with it, but he has a right to.

Hey, if the shoe fits.. :shrug: Looks like he's been temp banned anyways. Good riddance I say. I really can't see him becoming a positive member of our community.

Oh and DT, I want to know what grade you get on your essay! Let us know! :thumbsup: