An open letter to movie crtics

[Beldaran]

I just finished reading a review of Star Wars Ep. II (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,52250,00.html

).

I have just sent them an e-mail. Here is my open letter to whoever reviewed this movie:

-------------------

Dear Critic


I just read your rather harsh critique of the new Star Wars movie. You are a big fat idiot who isn't good at anything which is why you sit on your stupid butt and prattle about other people's art that you, after a zillion eons of dedication, could never hope to match because you suck at everything. You are like the King Midas of crappiness. Everything you touch stinks. Millions of people love Star Wars for the very reasons you condemn it. It is just a story. That is your biggest complaint. We don't need a million little sub plots about the new age subtle humor of Anakin's deep seeded sexual desire for Freud's mother. We just want heros and villians. And Star Wars gives it.

I have no respect for your thoughtless, banal, insubstancial critique of this movie because it comes from the same entertainment prostitutes who gave good reviews to the BackStreet Boys.

You and your collegues all suck donky piss and those of us who love a good story with a good fight all wish that we could take turns kicking you in your tiny shriveled up little nuts.

[Masamune]

yay!

[theplustwo]

now he will hate star wars all the more. Why bother reading reviews of a star wars movie? you know your going to see it anyhow. I do the same thing though, I keep reading LOTR reviews

[Brian]

Well, you may have some points, but I believe points are obscured by insults usually, and it is shown in your case. They would probably take your letter more seriously if you seriously and politely stated your points. Now, you just sound like some mad kid. Of cource, you may not care, and just want to be venting. ;)

(though your letter is very funny, especially the "King Midas of Crappiness" part :laughing: )

And fmehmobile, critics, at least what I've read, actually like the LOTR. My local newspaper gave it 4 out of 4 stars, and most all reviews of it were positive that I've seen.

[millmill]

Most critics have always been fairly harsh when reviewing all of the Star Wars movies. But, as you can already tell, most people don't really care what the critics say about Star Wars, it'll make millions and millions of dollars.

[E-FORCE]

It appears that the link is dead. After all, Fox is the main company that controls the site, movie, and tv departments and Star Wars just happens to be one of their best money making items. Now you wouldn't want anything bad said about product that many people want to see or use, would you?

[theplustwo]

yeah, they liked LOTR!! Well, who could blame them! But critics (especially in the onion's A.V. club) usually piss me off by pretty much saying that everything sucks.

[Menokh]

Critics always want an artsy-fartsy movie with a ton of sub-plots that no one cares about.
When a movie comes out that is simply entertaining but contains neither of those they hate it.
Well most critics anyway. there are some that are actually normal people.

[theplustwo]

yes, my sentiments exactly. We think alike, you and I, Menokh, unless you hate me, that is (which many people seem to, without any reason), in which case we are incredibly un-alike in every way.

[Starkist]

Most critics of Attack of the Clones I've read so far seem to want nothing but action. They criticize the love story, they even criticize the cheesy dialogue. Cheesy dialogue is part of Star Wars. Would you rather have them talk like contemporary teenagers? :spin:

Anyway, I loved The Phantom Menace, even though critics shredded it. I'll love Attack of the Clones even more.

[Dechipher]

the only beef i have with SWE2 is the subtitle. Attack of the Clones sounds so B-movie.

[Starkist]

Originally posted by Dechipher
the only beef i have with SWE2 is the subtitle. Attack of the Clones sounds so B-movie.

Then what do you think of such titles as 'The Empire Strikes Back' ? It's all part of the Star Wars charm. :)

[Rijuhn]

LOL =D I don't think I'm that crude when it comes to insulting someone, but thanks for standing up for the general populous.

[Daarkseid]

Originally posted by Starkist

Anyway, I loved The Phantom Menace, even though critics shredded it. I'll love Attack of the Clones even more.

Yes! Me too! I saw that movie 4 times the summer it came out(probably a little bit excessive).

And I found Belderan's letter to the critic to be perfect. Why? Because no doubt, any "serious" letter is going to be shrugged off by said critic. These critics are high minded and condescending. Any good counter to their criticisms would somehow be ignored by them. You might as well call the fucker a "rancid pile of horse shit", since anything else you send will be met with as much enthusiasm.

[Beldaran]

Originally posted by Daarkseid


Yes! Me too! I saw that movie 4 times the summer it came out(probably a little bit excessive).

And I found Belderan's letter to the critic to be perfect. Why? Because no doubt, any "serious" letter is going to be shrugged off by said critic. These critics are high minded and condescending. Any good counter to their criticisms would somehow be ignored by them. You might as well call the fucker a "rancid pile of horse shit", since anything else you send will be met with as much enthusiasm.

Right on. I meant to be churlish and isnulting because

a) otherwise they don't pay attention and
b) I felt like venting.

And Daark, you rock! I saw Episode I seven times in the theater! What a rad movie.

[Rainman]

Yea, I enjoyed Episode I despite everyones harsh criticism. Also, I didn't think Jar Jar was that bad. However, the movie could have done without him.

[Starkist]

This is sliding a tad off topic, but Daarkseid (or anyone else) here's a comprehensive essay on why The Phantom Menace is a good movie.... :)

http://www.lardbiscuit.com/lard/ilovetpm.html

[DarkDragon]

The fixed link to the review in question is here (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,52250,00.html).

Also, insubstantial is spelled "insubstantial" :P

Personally, I'll go see Episode II, although I doubt I'll like it more than I did the original three episodes. Looking at those after seeing Phantom Menace really drove home to me the drastic difference in mood between the old three films and the new ones.

[Daarkseid]

Originally posted by Starkist
This is sliding a tad off topic, but Daarkseid (or anyone else) here's a comprehensive essay on why The Phantom Menace is a good movie.... :)

http://www.lardbiscuit.com/lard/ilovetpm.html

Thats beautiful, I have a new respect for the Phantom Menace.

Also, of those 4 times I saw the movie, the 1st time was on opening night, and two of the other times were in the same day.