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View Full Version : Deep Thoughts by J. J. Maxx



J.J. Maxx
04-22-2002, 03:35 PM
I think they should but some sort of back door for pants pockets. God knows how difficult it is to get money out of your pockets when pulling in to a McDonalds drive-thru.

Speaking of McDonalds drive thru, when did the company decide that it's employees were too stupid to give change AND give food. No, we need two employees for that, while we're at it, make them at two seperate windows as well. Must've been an interesting board meeting.

So here's my theory on evolution. It sucks. Case in point: Spiders. Generation after generation have this one really keen idea. Lets build our webs directly in front of a 1000 watt light and we'll be in spider heaven. Now I suppose 'our' is a bad idea because I don't think spiders communicate very well. If they did, they would warn all the other spiders that making your web in front of street light is such a horrible idea. Night comes and all the bugs accumulate in the thousands and totally obliterate your web and stranding you 40 feet in the air. If the bugs don't gang-rape you first. See? Spiders all over the world are dying meaningless deaths because of miscommunication.

Oh and then there's the less ambitious stupid ones. I cleaned out my closet the other day and inside this closed box buried deep in the back of the closet I found an old spider web in there. What the hell was this guy thinking? The bugs are going to have to go really out of their way to get eaten. They might just do that because the bugs aren't all that bright either.

I once had a dog that liked to eat coasters. He liked the plastic ones best. He also liked hershey's kisses with the foil still on. The backyard still sparkles to this day..

I also have cat that is addicted to straws. He's been that way ever since we took away his crack. :shrug:

Some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's a ski mask and a crowbar.

Can you imagine if there were car clubs? Ya know, you get a catalog full of cars and you buy 12 for free and only have to pay for 3 within a year. But then you'd get a crappy car every month that you didn't want. And that would suck.

Oh and one more thing about bugs. Worms should really get out their holes when it rains, they all drown and then they slither out onto the street and die and turn all white. I think fresh rain scent is actually the smell of rotting worm corpses...

Perhaps evolution will teach flys how to open windows some day. But then maybe there wont be windows... Who knows?

Mak-X
04-22-2002, 03:40 PM
Originally posted by JJMaxx
Speaking of McDonalds drive thru, when did the company decide that it's employees were too stupid to give change AND give food. No, we need two employees for that, while we're at it, make them at two seperate windows as well. Must've been an interesting board meeting.

When there's a long line, its more efficient and faster to have one person get the money and the last person give the food. Some large McDonalds might have 3 windows.



Lay off the spiders! They never did anything to you!

Ekulf
04-22-2002, 03:42 PM
personally I like spiders... well the fuzzy ones anyways...

but the thing I don't get is why do they crawl inside our mouth at night? what could they pssible want in there thats so good that they will get eaten just to get at it?

theplustwo
04-22-2002, 03:48 PM
Lol! Some very funny stuff, JJ! Now I'm anxiously awaiting Fuzzy Memories by JJMaxx, and My Big Thick Novel by JJMaxx!

Hermit
04-22-2002, 03:55 PM
Ok Ekulf, you are one sick and twisted individual, that was just nasty... I love it !! :laughing:

(I always wondered why some mornings I would wake up and not be hungry, skipping breakfast)

Anyway... JJ, about the spider thing... You apparently have way too much time on your hands. I think it best you find something constructive to do... like you and Foxy add more pics to that damn thread already!! ;)

As for McD's, I don't go there. If I did I'd walk in and order. I learned long ago after getting screwed over at the drive-thru that going in is the easiest way to bitchslap retarded employees (being in the drivers sit of a car at a window does tend to make it a little difficult).

As for your cat... be glad it chews on straws and not much else, consider it a blessing ;)

If I missed anything, oh well, you'll just have to make do with what I gave ya.

Ekulf
04-22-2002, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by Hermit
Ok Ekulf, you are one sick and twisted individual, that was just nasty... I love it !! :laughing:

well see you do eat on average 30 spiders a year, because they crawl into yer mouth while you are sleeping... so I was just wondering why they do that?!!?

DarkPanther
04-22-2002, 04:18 PM
Originally posted by Ekulf
well see you do eat on average 30 spiders a year, because they crawl into yer mouth while you are sleeping...
Geez... last I heard it was 3 a year. I didn't know urban legends were up for inflation over the years.

Ekulf
04-22-2002, 04:34 PM
Originally posted by DarkPanther

Geez... last I heard it was 3 a year. I didn't know urban legends were up for inflation over the years.

3?!?! do you know how easy it is for a spider to get in yer mouth while you are sleeping! Well I guess it depends on where ya live too

DarkPanther
04-22-2002, 04:39 PM
Do you know how hard it would be for a spider to get into your mouth undetected?

Your lips are one of the most sensitive parts on your body. That's why baby's are constantly putting things in their mouths, to better feel the texture and such.

That'd be like saying ants steal your eyelashes in the middle of the night.

1. You'd feel it and wake up, easy.
2. wtf for?

Ekulf
04-22-2002, 04:44 PM
Originally posted by DarkPanther
Do you know how hard it would be for a spider to get into your mouth undetected?

Your lips are one of the most sensitive parts on your body. That's why baby's are constantly putting things in their mouths, to better feel the texture and such.

That'd be like saying ants steal your eyelashes in the middle of the night.

1. You'd feel it and wake up, easy.
2. wtf for?

most people don;t wake up they just lick their lips... hence eat the spider... I tested that out before on someone :naughty:

Foxy
04-22-2002, 04:44 PM
Originally posted by DarkPanther
That'd be like saying ants steal your eyelashes in the middle of the night.

:laughing: *rotfl*

This thread certainly made me laugh...I should put JJ's first post on my rant page. It would probably get some interesting responses. :tongue:

Chris Miller
04-22-2002, 05:22 PM
Originally posted by Ekulf


well see you do eat on average 30 spiders a year, because they crawl into yer mouth while you are sleeping... so I was just wondering why they do that?!!?

Well, that would explain that crunchy stuff I found in my teeth this morning...:eyebrow:

Starkist
04-22-2002, 06:10 PM
Originally posted by JJMaxx
I think they should but some sort of back door for pants pockets. God knows how difficult it is to get money out of your pockets when pulling in to a McDonalds drive-thru.

I keep my wallet in my front pocket. Problem solved. It's also more comfortable when sitting. :spin:

Predcon1
04-22-2002, 07:55 PM
Have you ever stopped to think, then forget to start again?

Dracula
04-22-2002, 09:00 PM
we should publish this... oh, JJ, JJ, JJ... you made a fubby, grasshopper!:meanie: