Is your son a HACKER??!?!?!?!/1/1/

[Skatche]

My god! The threat is spreading! Your son could be a HACKER!!!!!!!!!!11111 To prevent this horrible affliction, visit this (http://sjeemz.nl/tmp/hacker.html) site for details.




Yes, this is an internet oddity. It's been changed from once a week to whenever I can find them.

[Rainman]

My god that is one of the biggest amount of computer ignorance I've seen in a while. I am seriously disturbed. :eyebrow:

Upon further inspection it seems to be a joke... it must be... must be....

[MetaStaiford]

If its a joke, it certainly made ME laugh.

If it isnt, then it was written by the type of parent that messes up a kid's life into him/her cutting him/herself with a knife

(jeez, why am i one of the ONLY 3 deviants i know that doesnt have a bunch of scars on his/her arm?! it seems normal people are out to try and get rid of us.)

[plith]

As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! (http://www.hemingway.org/tour/images/House-turret256.JPG)

GOOD GOD! THIS MAN HAS A HOUSE!


Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL (http://www.aol.com).

Most American families are content using an amazingly slow and mind-bendingly dumbed down product simply because they don't know any better.


These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider (http://www.home.net).

And often a generally better one. We tried to get AOL for our home once. We couldn't do it without paying a horrendous amount for long distance simply because it wasn't in our area. Every night when I say my prayers, I also thank God that I've never used AOL.


Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

I'm forced to conclude that this person doesn't know what hacking is. I have Flash too; I use it to make fun little movies. I also don't have Comet Cursor, as it's spyware, meaning hacking software used AGAINST me.


He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

When did we lose sight of reality here? Whose machine is going to "download" the "hacker application?" I'm at the very least computer literate, and I think this guy's lost me.


Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards (http://www.matrox.com), and larger hard drives, or even more memory.

Because as we all know, those sorts of things are used 100% for hacking purposes. I need a larger hard drive to store most games these days, instead of having to uninstall them all the time. I wish my video card were faster, Zelda Classic runs slow for me sometimes.


If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years.

Good golly, he's right! I've read pornographic stories before, so I must be shaping up to be a pimp. I also read SF/F a lot, so now I'm also loony because I have no firm grip on reality. And yes, I've read hacker texts. I MUST be a hacker.


Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0198021) attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.

Improper influences? Oh, you mean like ignorant, overprotective parents?


If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.

The hell? My community blood pressure is telling me this guy's a moron. (Kudos to anyone who thinks my previous statement made any sense, I'll be waiting for you in the parking lot with a 4x4 and some lubricant. Don't ask why, you're too stupid to understand.) Really, I'm vaguely certain that he might want to read those books and figure out a few things about hackers... like the legitimacy of the profession.


If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites.

HOLY F*CKING SHIT! I SPEND HOURS UPON HOURS ON THIS COMPUTER DOING VARIOUS THINGS! I MUST BE A WANTED CRIMINAL FOR ALL THE HACKING CRIMES I'VE RACKED UP BY NOW! I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU WANT TO BE AFFILIATED WITH ME ANY LONGER!


Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

...

Too easy.


As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

First point being that the electronic world IS real, as much any one of us is a real person behind our usernames. Second point being that this guy obviously doesn't seem to understand that you don't need computers to become disagreeable. I wanna see his degree in psychology before he tries this tack again.


Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD (http://www.bsd.org), Lunix (http://www.lunix.com), Debian (http://www.debian.com) and Mandrake (http://www.mandrake.com) are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system (http://www.lunix.com), blah blah blah

Let's see... I think the first point to make here is the spelling of LINUX, of which Lunix is another form (knowing full well that it's basically UNIX). Where to go from there? The fact that Linux is simply an open-source alternative to Windows? The fact that Linux Mandrake happens to be quite common, seen often enough in stores? Pick and choose, I'm probably missing a lot.


If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands.

... No, I'm sorry. I'm running out of good snide comments. You think of something to say.


If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku (http://time-stranger.net/otaku/)" hacker association.

Oh wow. People also take failing grades and poor sports performance to mean drug abuse. CAN YOU PEOPLE JUST MAKE UP YOUR MINDS?!

I think I'll close up now, as there's probably more than the one reply that was here when I clicked the reply button.

I applaud this man's ability to grasp the concept of a hyperlink, but not the ability to know when to use it. That alongside the fact that the vast majority of his statements are built upon what we see on television.

Now how 'bout picking apart favorite moments in the Comments section?

EDIT:

I didn't have time to suggest censoring...
...the more dangerous information contained in this article, before it was posted for the whole Internet (http://www.aol.com) to read.

This statement alone made my day. The rest of the comment simply clinched it. In case you don't know what I mean, click the link. Because as we all know, AOL IS THE WHOLE INTERNET. The rest of the comment was just perfectly condescending. But if that guy was serious, I will track him down and murder him.

[Arcayn]

It's obviously sarcasm... and look at the sheer amount of idiots who take it seriously and write huge replies to disprove all the "facts" in the article... LMAO... some people wouldn't know satire if it slapped them in the face.

EDIT: that apparantly includes some people here. No offense Plith.

[Rainman]

Heh, I spend hours on the comp, but don't know a damn thing about hacking. I'm also not anti-social and I don't dress funny or whatever. Oh and any that persons comments on any program was pure ignorance. And I like his spelling of "lunix"

[plith]

Originally posted by Arcayn
EDIT: that apparantly includes some people here. No offense Plith.

I'm not convinced, though. Half of the time, the guy sounds too sane. Every now and then he even makes sense. If I had read the very last sentence or two beforehand, I'd doubt it more... but... problem is, I know people like that.

[Skatche]

Originally posted by plith
When did we lose sight of reality here? Whose machine is going to "download" the "hacker application?" I'm at the very least computer literate, and I think this guy's lost me.


I'd be incredibly amazed if you've never at least once been asked "Do you want to install Comet Cursor" (or something to that effect) entirely out of the blue. Anyway, I'm almost certain it's a joke, judging by the URL. Unless, of course, someone saved it and put it on their server from a legitimate site...

[Rainman]

The oddest thing about this is the constant linking to irrelevent sources. What is up with that?

[SSJ3500]

This is the stupidest thing i have ever heard...


Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

At one time I had all three and neither of them had any hacking realitivity...


If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years.

This kid has no privacy....


I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities.

It wouldn't be suprising if this kid became a bank robber or somthing similar... A kid brought up like that is just not normal...

[Arcayn]

!!PEOPLE!!
This is all satire.
It's originally from a site called http://adequacy.org
Browse around... everything you'll find there is nonsense or satire.




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What is it with you guys and religion? Are you fundamentalists or what?

Nothing could be further from the truth. The editors of adequacy number one Mormon (Peter), one Scientologist (jsm), one Muslim (dmg), one worshipper of "a kind of generalised concept of human power, rather than an actual, physical Satan" (elby) and a host of largely irreligious atheists, agnostics, New Agers and Episcopalians. If some of us happen to agree with the extreme fringes of Christian opinion from time to time, it may be because those fundamentalists happen to have a point.

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Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked?

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So, umm, would you like to go out with me tonight? Perhaps have some dinner, see a film?

No, creep. I, Legion (for we are many), am happily married with a girlfriend, so of course I'd be happy to go out with you, you hunk.

[Menokh]

Oh for the love of....
LMFAO
The stupidity of some people.
Hacking isn't always a bad thing.
Does this person know that another word for programming is hacking? Does this idiot know that Linux is legal? (snicker.. what a dumbass)
Does this person know that flash is installed in 95% of US computers?

Oh well.. Dumbasses surround us. Thanks for the laugh Skatche.

EDIT: anti-hacking features in a CPU? lmao. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! AMD chips are sold in stores and tend to be faster.

[Flash Man]

I've already read that. I was planning on showing you guys, but I lost the link. It was pretty stupid. I must be a hacker because I have an AMD Processor.

[Mander]

Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, blah blah blah
Its a conspiracy plot by microsoft.

[Warlock]

That has got to be a joke.. there is no way anyone is that %#$%@ dumb.. unless this guy took a time machine from the 1800s and has no %#$@@$ idea what a computer even is, I refuse to believe anyone is that stupid. hehe.. "AOL is a good ISP".. lmao!

[AlexMax]

I was about to say...

But think about it. What it a REAL parent comes across that site? Do you think that some of them are smart enough to know it's a joke? Heh heh...

I am glad my father is computer savey. Because if I found that I was being limited because of something my parents found on that site...well...I would describe what I would do, but I really don't feel like scaring people more than I already do.

>.>
<.<

What?

[Warlock]

plus, when he links to something about a russian hacker who invented "lunix", it links to that russian guy from Goldeneye

[Rainman]

We raised them to be honest and to have integrity (http://www.whitehouse.gov/president/gwbbio.html), and Peter betrayed the principles (http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/bc42.html) we tried to encourage in him,

I like that quote. (check the links) This is obviously posted for humor. Whether the author was serious or not. It's on that site for humor.

[Breaker]

Eh, the article's soul purpose is to obviously get on other's nerves. If you spend the time trying to disagree with it's meaning and let it get under your skin, than you're much more ignorant and fallible than said article.