obi
03-11-2002, 04:07 AM
What If you had XP running your house? Let’s go into the future and see –
originally found in PC Format magazine
[In the kitchen of the future. Mr Quincunx is putting his shopping away:-]
Mr Q: Wow, it’s great living in the future. Everything runs on windows XP and broadband internet connection – even my iron!
And my groceries have smart labels so my fridge knows what they are and when to order fresh stuff from the supermarket. It’s brilliant!
[he shoves some broccoli in the fridge]
Fridge: Warning! Broccoli dangerously close to sell-by date! Consume immediately!
Mr Q [tapping of the fridge display]: No, it’s ok. It was on special offer. It has another couple of days left in it, I’m sure.
Fridge: Warning! Broccoli dangerously close to sell-by date! Consume immediately!
Mr Q: Oh for pity’s sake.
[removes the broccoli]
Fridge: Broccoli removed for consumption. Downloading broccoli recipes. Ordering replacement broccoli. Stand by.
Mr Q: Eh? I don’t need more broccoli! Where did I put the manual?
[Microwave comes to life]
Microwave: Receiving… Receiving… Receiving…Done. Welcome to Delia’s How to cook broccoli. Please select a recipe.
Mr Q: What? I don’t want to cook the bloody broccoli! And it’s only 11 o’clock in the morning? Why the hell would I want too cook broccoli now?
Fridge: Broccoli order confirmed. Delivery in progress.
Mr Q: No! I don’t want any more broccoli! I don’t even like it much! I only got it because it was on special offer!
[runs to the fridge, in doing so, he knocks an open carton of orange juice over himself and the fridge]
Mr Q: Oh hell, I covered in orange juice. Well, I’ll just have to shove all of my clothes in the washing machine.
[strips off all of clothes and stuffs it in the washing machine]
Fridge: Warning! Leakage detected! Contacting service engineers! Pleasebcshdv… Ordering…Ordering…Replacement Brcci…
Mr Q: Sod this.
[unplugs the fridge]
Washing Machine: Attention! White pants in coloured wash! Aborting the wash cycle!
Microwave: Please select a broccoli recipe.
Mr Q: SHUT UP!
[he lunges at the microwave, slips on a puddle of orange juice and knocks himself out on one of the corners of the washing machine.
Some time later, the doorbell rings]
Mr Q: Oh bugger. That’ll be the broccoli. I’m nude, better put some clothes on.
[door rings again]
Mr Q: Hell, need clothes, that’ll do.
[he grabs his wife’s negligee]
Mr Q *looking down*: Ah, not long enough. Need something to cover up…bits…
[he grabs the broccoli to cover up his, errr, bits,
rushes to the door and flings it open as it rings again]
Mr Q: All right, hand it over! I’ve already got some though, see?
The Vicar: Hello Mr Quincunx! I’ve come to talk to you about God and…
[he looks at Mr Q up and down]
Ooh, crikey!
Mr Q: Ooh, crikey!
A crowd of broccoli delivery men and service engineers who have just arrived [in unison]: Ooh, crikey!
[Mr Q faints, just as his wife comes up the garden path and takes in the scene]
Mrs Q: I want a divorce.
I couldn’t stop laughing! :laughing:
originally found in PC Format magazine
[In the kitchen of the future. Mr Quincunx is putting his shopping away:-]
Mr Q: Wow, it’s great living in the future. Everything runs on windows XP and broadband internet connection – even my iron!
And my groceries have smart labels so my fridge knows what they are and when to order fresh stuff from the supermarket. It’s brilliant!
[he shoves some broccoli in the fridge]
Fridge: Warning! Broccoli dangerously close to sell-by date! Consume immediately!
Mr Q [tapping of the fridge display]: No, it’s ok. It was on special offer. It has another couple of days left in it, I’m sure.
Fridge: Warning! Broccoli dangerously close to sell-by date! Consume immediately!
Mr Q: Oh for pity’s sake.
[removes the broccoli]
Fridge: Broccoli removed for consumption. Downloading broccoli recipes. Ordering replacement broccoli. Stand by.
Mr Q: Eh? I don’t need more broccoli! Where did I put the manual?
[Microwave comes to life]
Microwave: Receiving… Receiving… Receiving…Done. Welcome to Delia’s How to cook broccoli. Please select a recipe.
Mr Q: What? I don’t want to cook the bloody broccoli! And it’s only 11 o’clock in the morning? Why the hell would I want too cook broccoli now?
Fridge: Broccoli order confirmed. Delivery in progress.
Mr Q: No! I don’t want any more broccoli! I don’t even like it much! I only got it because it was on special offer!
[runs to the fridge, in doing so, he knocks an open carton of orange juice over himself and the fridge]
Mr Q: Oh hell, I covered in orange juice. Well, I’ll just have to shove all of my clothes in the washing machine.
[strips off all of clothes and stuffs it in the washing machine]
Fridge: Warning! Leakage detected! Contacting service engineers! Pleasebcshdv… Ordering…Ordering…Replacement Brcci…
Mr Q: Sod this.
[unplugs the fridge]
Washing Machine: Attention! White pants in coloured wash! Aborting the wash cycle!
Microwave: Please select a broccoli recipe.
Mr Q: SHUT UP!
[he lunges at the microwave, slips on a puddle of orange juice and knocks himself out on one of the corners of the washing machine.
Some time later, the doorbell rings]
Mr Q: Oh bugger. That’ll be the broccoli. I’m nude, better put some clothes on.
[door rings again]
Mr Q: Hell, need clothes, that’ll do.
[he grabs his wife’s negligee]
Mr Q *looking down*: Ah, not long enough. Need something to cover up…bits…
[he grabs the broccoli to cover up his, errr, bits,
rushes to the door and flings it open as it rings again]
Mr Q: All right, hand it over! I’ve already got some though, see?
The Vicar: Hello Mr Quincunx! I’ve come to talk to you about God and…
[he looks at Mr Q up and down]
Ooh, crikey!
Mr Q: Ooh, crikey!
A crowd of broccoli delivery men and service engineers who have just arrived [in unison]: Ooh, crikey!
[Mr Q faints, just as his wife comes up the garden path and takes in the scene]
Mrs Q: I want a divorce.
I couldn’t stop laughing! :laughing: